It’s Time We Stop Testing On Animals And Start Testing On Criminals!

Rarely do I come out for humanitarian since I was unfairly incarcerated for my political action group “Save Whitney From Another Beat’n By Gett’n Me Some Mo’Cocaine” or since my branch of Amnesty International focused solely on my own prison cell failed. One thing Bobby Brown cares about is injustices, in fact I care so much I commit most of them myself just so I can get into the sick mind on the guy who gets arrested for humping some fine ass parking meters or the monster who pisses in Whitney’s hot tub when she got them cucumbers slices on her eyes and can’t see me doing it.

One thing I won’t tolerate is injustice to animals, unless it’s funny like putting peanut butter on the roof of Michael Jackson’s cock biting chimp’s mouth or Michael Vick is about to lose the bet in that back room spotted owl fight. I’m talking about animal testing. Not all animal testing, not like testing make up on a horse so they can figure what shade of rouge will make Sarah Jessica Parker look human in the next Sluts In The City movie or testing a kick ass new experimental baseball bat on a box of baby marmosets. Those things I understand, I’m talking testing dangerous and possibly fun drugs on innocent animals that can’t even pay for their drug habits.


I’m talking about a recent test in which snails were given methamphetamine to see how it affects their memory. Now I’m not saying meth won’t cure their ADD or hay fever but why test meth on ungrateful snails when there are plenty of prisoners eager to test meth, I think for once medical testing protocol should be streamlined. The poor snail never asked to be on meth but I’ve asked for meth tons of times! Not I’m not saying you should test makeup and hair products on prisoners, things might get a bit too romantic up in the ass if you know what I mean, up in the ass. However I don’t see the harm in giving me a dangerous drug that may one day cure sobriety. Think about it America, we could cure sobriety in me some day.

Yo I’ve known synthetic life for years

So Craig Venter decided to rip me off. His people are saying they built synthetic life acting like synthetic life is new and shit. I’ve known synthetic existed for years. Whether it be synthetic friends who hang until the rock run out, agents who say “listen Bobby to make money you actually have to make music and tour, and could you please put your testicles back in your pants”, of fake ass women who are like “I love you forever Bobby” and then call the police after a couple right hooks to face, believe me I know synthetic life.

Apparently the difference is that his synthetic life was made in a lab and not out of desire for Bobby Brown’s money. Half these Hollywood bitches are synthetic Autotune, Protools, y’all sound like gay robots (I built a gay robot once, he was very neat, great at parties but I had to scrap him after I found him fucking my toaster with Bobby Brown’s toast in it, man I love some good toast). You can’t tell me Puff Daddy is real, the guy’s lyrics are “huh, uh huh” on loop like my vicious cycle of addiction and property destruction. Also Venter apparently encoded a website into this thing’s DNA, so just like every other fake ass form of life it’s got a website to plug, why not get it a twitter feed too at least it wouldn’t be as stupid and pandering as that Oprah bitch (don’t get me wrong I love you Oprah, I’ll be your new Steadman let me in the rich fat ass of yours). Also poem lyrics in the genome? Why not “My Prerogative” by Bobby Brown, man I’d have royalties up the ass every time this cell replicates! And yo if it’s got “My Prerogative” in its genome like Bobby Brown it will be replicating a lot, if you know what I’m say’n.

But as far as I’m concerned this is just another cell keeping Bobby Brown down.

But Can They Regrow The Gold Teeth I Pawned?

A mere two decades ago talk of regrowing missing teeth would have been derided as pachyglossal foolhardiness but with the recent amelioration of cellular research it appears to have entered the domain of reality. According to this it is now possible to implant a ball of cells in the area and in a couple months a new tooth is fully formed. If most people are anything like me and lose several teeth each month than this will revolutionize the way we see orthodontic care.

The only problem I see is that so far they’ve only been able regrow conventional teeth not more malleable advanced constructs such as the teeth I became accustomed to. During the 1990’s I was ahead of the curb and jumped on the orthodontic bullet train known as gold teeth. Not only was my smile shinier and brighter than that of the averaged toothed individual but they’re cavity proof and are assets that can be randomly accessed if need be. The only problem with gold teeth is that they have a very low shelf life. It seems that every time Bobby Brown needs to pay the crack bill out come the pliers and Bobby Brown DDS is mining for gold.

If scientists could somehow either….. Pay my crack dealer…. Or make it so every 4-5 days if wake up with a mouth full of homegrown gold teeth this advancement would seem more worthwhile. While we’re on the subject of regrowing things I would like let Whitney know, if she’s reading this (Yeah that’s right bitch the miracle of the internet allows our love to stay in blossom even from 500 feet away at all times.) that you need to “regrow” some credit because I maxed out your Mastercard and nobody is taking that piece of crap Discover card.

Can The Discovery Of Wurzite Boron Nitride Lead To The Creation Of A Sturdier Crack Pipe?

I was excited to discover several months ago that the University of Nevada has tested and found a substance harder than diamonds! The mineral Wurzite Boron Nitride (w-BN) can stand extreme heat and pressure making it the perfect material to craft a crack pipe out of. I spend roughly $1,100 a month on crack pipes alone, most which break when hurled at high speeds at Whitney. I’ve tried metal pipes but the heat conductivity of metal is simply too high for the endurance smoker. The temperatures got so high I’ve had to hold them with an oven mitt. If you’ve ever tried to light a crack pipe wearing an oven mitt you know it’s impossible! After several third degree burns on my hands later I went straight back to glass.

Hopefully once w-BN can be synthesized it will be malleable enough to mold into a crack pipe. Just think about it! I would never have to buy another crack pipe, I could throw it at Whitney a thousand times and still not make a dent (in the pipe). Also with the world on the cusp space exploration I could even light my pipe with the sun! Hypothetically that is.

I've Finally Done It! Behold The Future Of Robotics!

After months of hard research and collaboration with the advanced robotics community I've finally successfully completed a self aware (well sort of self aware) humanoid robot. I would like to unveil the world's first crack smoking robot!

See the Crackbot charges his fuel cells with the carcinogens and cracky goodness found in crack cocaine, a substance that is readily available in the harsh environment known as my garage. It's literally the di-lithium crystal of the ghetto. Along with parts form several "borrowed" televisions, an 8 track player, and a Bananarama tape these fuel cells make up the latest in robotics technology.

Unfortunately I have run into several bugs but I'm sure through time they'll sort themselves out. I seem to have run into what I believe is a programming error that causes the Crackbot to feloniously abscond with consumer electronics (TV's, car stereos, etc..) when it's fuel cells become depleted. Also the fuel supply in my garage is getting low as I must constantly test the purity of it... in the name of science.. and beakers and stuff. Allow me to show you (Bobby Inhales) WHeeeeeeew this shit is pure for the robot... and the Bobby Brown science doin man. Yo this robot be crazy he's like up on my shit and his grill keeps gett'n broke up yo. Yo like my boy D-Ice needs to roll by with some more of that fuel cell stuff. D-Ice! I needs more rock! Yo robot fetch this motherfucker some more rock! I'm king of this garage cause yoo gotta do what I say yo. It's like "Luke I'm your father" and shit, robot. Yeah that's right.......



The Bobby Brown Tech Blog is meant as parody and Bobby Brown is in no way involved with this purely fictional. All allegations made by this blog especially claims including the insinuation drug use or the practice of science by Bobby Brown are untrue and meant for entertainment only. The Bobby Brown Tech Blog and it's contents are the copyrighted material of Do It Yourself Anarchy Productions and it's creator/owner and may not be reproduced without express permission (which you'll probably get if you simply ask). All Rights Reserved 5/21/2000