Yo I’ve known synthetic life for years

So Craig Venter decided to rip me off. His people are saying they built synthetic life acting like synthetic life is new and shit. I’ve known synthetic existed for years. Whether it be synthetic friends who hang until the rock run out, agents who say “listen Bobby to make money you actually have to make music and tour, and could you please put your testicles back in your pants”, of fake ass women who are like “I love you forever Bobby” and then call the police after a couple right hooks to face, believe me I know synthetic life.

Apparently the difference is that his synthetic life was made in a lab and not out of desire for Bobby Brown’s money. Half these Hollywood bitches are synthetic Autotune, Protools, y’all sound like gay robots (I built a gay robot once, he was very neat, great at parties but I had to scrap him after I found him fucking my toaster with Bobby Brown’s toast in it, man I love some good toast). You can’t tell me Puff Daddy is real, the guy’s lyrics are “huh, uh huh” on loop like my vicious cycle of addiction and property destruction. Also Venter apparently encoded a website into this thing’s DNA, so just like every other fake ass form of life it’s got a website to plug, why not get it a twitter feed too at least it wouldn’t be as stupid and pandering as that Oprah bitch (don’t get me wrong I love you Oprah, I’ll be your new Steadman let me in the rich fat ass of yours). Also poem lyrics in the genome? Why not “My Prerogative” by Bobby Brown, man I’d have royalties up the ass every time this cell replicates! And yo if it’s got “My Prerogative” in its genome like Bobby Brown it will be replicating a lot, if you know what I’m say’n.

But as far as I’m concerned this is just another cell keeping Bobby Brown down.

But Can They Regrow The Gold Teeth I Pawned?

A mere two decades ago talk of regrowing missing teeth would have been derided as pachyglossal foolhardiness but with the recent amelioration of cellular research it appears to have entered the domain of reality. According to this it is now possible to implant a ball of cells in the area and in a couple months a new tooth is fully formed. If most people are anything like me and lose several teeth each month than this will revolutionize the way we see orthodontic care.

The only problem I see is that so far they’ve only been able regrow conventional teeth not more malleable advanced constructs such as the teeth I became accustomed to. During the 1990’s I was ahead of the curb and jumped on the orthodontic bullet train known as gold teeth. Not only was my smile shinier and brighter than that of the averaged toothed individual but they’re cavity proof and are assets that can be randomly accessed if need be. The only problem with gold teeth is that they have a very low shelf life. It seems that every time Bobby Brown needs to pay the crack bill out come the pliers and Bobby Brown DDS is mining for gold.

If scientists could somehow either….. Pay my crack dealer…. Or make it so every 4-5 days if wake up with a mouth full of homegrown gold teeth this advancement would seem more worthwhile. While we’re on the subject of regrowing things I would like let Whitney know, if she’s reading this (Yeah that’s right bitch the miracle of the internet allows our love to stay in blossom even from 500 feet away at all times.) that you need to “regrow” some credit because I maxed out your Mastercard and nobody is taking that piece of crap Discover card.