It’s Time We Stop Testing On Animals And Start Testing On Criminals!

Rarely do I come out for humanitarian since I was unfairly incarcerated for my political action group “Save Whitney From Another Beat’n By Gett’n Me Some Mo’Cocaine” or since my branch of Amnesty International focused solely on my own prison cell failed. One thing Bobby Brown cares about is injustices, in fact I care so much I commit most of them myself just so I can get into the sick mind on the guy who gets arrested for humping some fine ass parking meters or the monster who pisses in Whitney’s hot tub when she got them cucumbers slices on her eyes and can’t see me doing it.

One thing I won’t tolerate is injustice to animals, unless it’s funny like putting peanut butter on the roof of Michael Jackson’s cock biting chimp’s mouth or Michael Vick is about to lose the bet in that back room spotted owl fight. I’m talking about animal testing. Not all animal testing, not like testing make up on a horse so they can figure what shade of rouge will make Sarah Jessica Parker look human in the next Sluts In The City movie or testing a kick ass new experimental baseball bat on a box of baby marmosets. Those things I understand, I’m talking testing dangerous and possibly fun drugs on innocent animals that can’t even pay for their drug habits.


I’m talking about a recent test in which snails were given methamphetamine to see how it affects their memory. Now I’m not saying meth won’t cure their ADD or hay fever but why test meth on ungrateful snails when there are plenty of prisoners eager to test meth, I think for once medical testing protocol should be streamlined. The poor snail never asked to be on meth but I’ve asked for meth tons of times! Not I’m not saying you should test makeup and hair products on prisoners, things might get a bit too romantic up in the ass if you know what I mean, up in the ass. However I don’t see the harm in giving me a dangerous drug that may one day cure sobriety. Think about it America, we could cure sobriety in me some day.

Why Is The Government Banning My Research On Miracle Substance Methylbenzoylecgonine?

Recently my private lab was stormed by Philistine government thugs! Apparently research on the miracle substance methylbenzoylecgonine was banned like so many other controversial substances. I should not be surprised though, the US government has always been less than enlightened when it comes to research in the curative fields. From stem cell research bans to bans on DMSO (a chemical derived from wood pulp which has the amazing ability to absorb through the skin which is believed to cure some types of arthritis) and even studies on cannabinoids. What is methylbenzoylecgonine you ask? Well methylbenzoylecgonine is a miracle chemical which has shown remarkable curative ability when treating lethargy, is known to promote energy which helps combat obesity, stimulate unique mental activity, and even hinders post pubescent teething. Well it looks like this is just another casualty of big pharmaceutical money and the greedy agenda of an ignorant government. The sad thing is our own CIA most likely invented methylbenzoylecgonine but once the demand grew and they realized it could help people (mainly me) they banned it! Please don’t let the government stop you from learning about this miracle substance you can find information about methylbenzoylecgonine here or out back of your local library.