Can The Discovery Of Wurzite Boron Nitride Lead To The Creation Of A Sturdier Crack Pipe?

I was excited to discover several months ago that the University of Nevada has tested and found a substance harder than diamonds! The mineral Wurzite Boron Nitride (w-BN) can stand extreme heat and pressure making it the perfect material to craft a crack pipe out of. I spend roughly $1,100 a month on crack pipes alone, most which break when hurled at high speeds at Whitney. I’ve tried metal pipes but the heat conductivity of metal is simply too high for the endurance smoker. The temperatures got so high I’ve had to hold them with an oven mitt. If you’ve ever tried to light a crack pipe wearing an oven mitt you know it’s impossible! After several third degree burns on my hands later I went straight back to glass.

Hopefully once w-BN can be synthesized it will be malleable enough to mold into a crack pipe. Just think about it! I would never have to buy another crack pipe, I could throw it at Whitney a thousand times and still not make a dent (in the pipe). Also with the world on the cusp space exploration I could even light my pipe with the sun! Hypothetically that is.

I’ve Experienced Several Setbacks Inventing A Telepathic Tivo

Late last week I decided to give my telepathic Tivo a test run. For those of you who are not in the loop, several months ago I was a bit imbibed at a Best Buy picking out a new TV or five for Whitney… To keep at my house… And never use. The salesman noticing Whitney’s Visa quickly pointed me towards the new Tivo. After a short explanation of what the Tivo did and that the little Tivo logo was not trying to steal my sandwich I was sold! Days later when I sold off a few of Whitney’s “extra” televisions I finally installed the Tivo. My main problem with the device is that you actually have to search through all the channels to find the shows you like and want to record. At that point I just wished the machined could read my mind and record the shows I thought about. At that point I remembered some work the University of California was doing on synthetic telepathy.

Quickly I went to work making my Tivo telepathic and just last week I completed the prototype. After installing the Tivo I took it for a test run. First I thought about recording Nova and instantly the Tivo brought up a week’s worth of future episodes! Then I thought about my singing career and I was brought to my Behind The Music on VH1! At which point I started thinking about being fucked up on drugs spouting retarded crap out my mouth and bam! Tivo started recording Glenn Beck!

The initial success I decided that maybe I should test this device with altered brain patterns to see how it reacts. So I took some vitamin “C-rack” to prepare. Unfortunately I quickly found that I lack the resources I needed to reach the altered mental state I desired. Realizing that all my research funds were all tied up in Whitney’s bank account I needed to come up with some funding quick before my hard work getting that high faded. I have realized the answer to my funding problem had been staring me in the face the whole time… The TV! I attempted to throw the television on my back and jump out the window but in the process I broke the Tivo and the television. Undaunted I made my way to the local pawn shop with my television who quickly pointed out that they “don’t buy broken televisions” and pointed to a sign that stated “Store Policy: Do Not Buy Anything From Bobby Brown”. So the project is on hiatus until I can get some new backers, if you’re interested contact me via Western Union.

But Can Stem Cells Un-Blacken Whitney's Eye?

I know the medical world is all a buzz about stem cells nowadays but how realistic are they as an ongoing treatment? Now you all know my more bruised half Whitney, she often suffers from a chronic black eye (the only things that are known to trigger it are sass back and me blacking out and not remembering what I did or didn't do). Can stem cells really cure her of her black eye before the police get here? Like could I say hold her down and inject the bruised area with stem cells and 5 minutes later it's back to coke circles?

The biggest controversy about stem cells is their procurement, like does 7/11 sell them you know? From what I understand stem cells can be procured from embryonic fluid which I believe is the name of a rap group. I also heard from my boy on the street that you can "create stem cells from normal cells by using a novel method of wrapping to reprogram adult cells via electroporation" but he smokes more crack than me so I wouldn't trust his gossip, yo.

Well until stem cells are more readily available I'll just have to go back to my method of black symmetry so it appears her eyes always look black like that.

Can The Large Hadron Collider Help Keep My Ass Out Of Jail?

I know it's several months away but I'm as giddy a particle physicist when it comes to the reboot of the Large Hadron Collider! Hopefully we'll be able to answer the grand queries of the universe such as "How was the big bang triggered" or "Is there really a Higgs Boson particle?". Of course I have a much more personal and pressing question.... Can the Large Hadron Collider keep my ass out of jail?

Allow me to elaborate on this hypothesis. See one of the major rumors going around is that we may be able to unlock the key to time travel. Now with the ability to travel back in time I could go back in time and un-assault Whitney therefore averting my most recent arrest. Hell, I could even un-illegalize crack or travel to the future when my sentence is over, fifty years in fifty seconds!

Hopefully this will further my research into particle freebase.... I mean particle physics. One such experiment I have planned involves smashing the particles of low grade crack cocaine together at such a speed that the strong sub atomic particles are separated from the weak ones leaving only the essence of crack. Once I have created this “super crack” I will use a version of heated atomic fusion involving a lighter and a specialized section of glass tubing. Of course my fusion method could use a bit more work........

I've Finally Done It! Behold The Future Of Robotics!

After months of hard research and collaboration with the advanced robotics community I've finally successfully completed a self aware (well sort of self aware) humanoid robot. I would like to unveil the world's first crack smoking robot!

See the Crackbot charges his fuel cells with the carcinogens and cracky goodness found in crack cocaine, a substance that is readily available in the harsh environment known as my garage. It's literally the di-lithium crystal of the ghetto. Along with parts form several "borrowed" televisions, an 8 track player, and a Bananarama tape these fuel cells make up the latest in robotics technology.

Unfortunately I have run into several bugs but I'm sure through time they'll sort themselves out. I seem to have run into what I believe is a programming error that causes the Crackbot to feloniously abscond with consumer electronics (TV's, car stereos, etc..) when it's fuel cells become depleted. Also the fuel supply in my garage is getting low as I must constantly test the purity of it... in the name of science.. and beakers and stuff. Allow me to show you (Bobby Inhales) WHeeeeeeew this shit is pure for the robot... and the Bobby Brown science doin man. Yo this robot be crazy he's like up on my shit and his grill keeps gett'n broke up yo. Yo like my boy D-Ice needs to roll by with some more of that fuel cell stuff. D-Ice! I needs more rock! Yo robot fetch this motherfucker some more rock! I'm king of this garage cause yoo gotta do what I say yo. It's like "Luke I'm your father" and shit, robot. Yeah that's right.......



The Bobby Brown Tech Blog is meant as parody and Bobby Brown is in no way involved with this purely fictional. All allegations made by this blog especially claims including the insinuation drug use or the practice of science by Bobby Brown are untrue and meant for entertainment only. The Bobby Brown Tech Blog and it's contents are the copyrighted material of Do It Yourself Anarchy Productions and it's creator/owner and may not be reproduced without express permission (which you'll probably get if you simply ask). All Rights Reserved 5/21/2000